I have never depended on the kindness of strangers
I grew up in the Northeast. Born in Queens, where I lived until I was 10. Then I moved to out the suburbs in New Jersey. Did a year of school in Pennsylvania. Lived a year in Connecticut. Worked in Manhattan for 6 years.
Then I decided to pack up and moved to Knoxville, TN.
The differences in lifestyle between there and here are sometimes little things. I never had the sensation of being given a sweet tea, instead of unsweet, until I moved here. I never really understood the difference between Texas and Carolina BBQ. I still don’t understand how one area can have so many Teetotalers while half the people I know also have locally distilled moonshine.
That said, there are some times where I occasionally have to step back and say “Really? Did that really just happen?”. This may very well be the first in a series of a posts about those moments.
This past weekend I purchased a lawnmower. It made me feel very domestic. It also made me feel kind of old. Regardless, the 3 foot grass around my house needed to be chopped down. After looking around Home Depot, we decided to purchase this fine model. However, we also needed some new shrubs and soil. This ultimately meant 2 trips to Home Depot. After dropping Lindsay, 5 shrubs, and 2 bags of dirt off at the house, I made my way back to Home Depot.
After finding a flatbed, I walked to the lawn mower section. There was actually an employee there who offered to me get the box down off the shelf. Something to be expected at a store like Home Depot, but a little surprising that someone was actually there to help. With my new mower in hand, I then decided to take a lap around the store, just in case I saw anything that caught my fancy. While I didn’t find anything else worth buying that day, I did encounter 3 other patrons of the store. All 3 made some comment along the lines of “Looks like someone has a lot of work ahead of them, har har har”. Did I mention that all 3 also had nice big wads of tobacco shoved into their cheeks? I kindly just chuckled at all of them and made my way through the checkout to the car, where the thought of “OK, now how do I get this thing in here all by myself” finally occurred. Not 2 seconds go by after I open the trunk when some random stranger walks up and says “Need a hand with that? I always find that 2 sets of hands are better than one.” I kind of looked stunned for a moment, said that I’d really appreciate it, and the two of us easily haul the thing into the trunk.
Now here I am cynical New Yorker thinking “OK, whats the catch? There has to be a catch. The guy at least wants the flatbed.” At which point the guy just turns around and walks away. I thank him again and get into the car. I’ve never had this happen to me before. Someone just offering to help for the sake of being a nice person. Maybe he was paying it forward. I know that I sure will.
So that’s my first “Do things like this really happen here?” story. Maybe next time I’ll recount the story of how I was proselytized on a plane ride or how I amassed a collection of tracts left in the bathroom stalls of my office over a few months time.
What are some of your “Did that really happen?” stories? Is my cynicism just from the Northeast, or do Californians feel the same way? Anyone out there from the south but now living near NY?
Tags: Knoxville
Written by: chad
May 12th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
the kindness and genuine interest that people in less populated areas seems to dwindle as people are forced to live closer together. the rural part of No. Ca was pretty and all the people were very sweet but I was uncomfortable being the bitchy rude person just b/c I was raised on a different coast. by NJ standards Im a push over, in Davis I was Bitch-tastic.
its sad to see the inverse of this. My ex from Illinois was so heart broken by the rudeness and disinterest of No. NJ. he had a crappy car and was boggled when no one would offer him help on the side of the road. he had refused to set foot in NJ because of all that he “suffered”. Oh yeah and he also owes me money.
May 12th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
I’ve found the same kinda mentality here in MA. As you know, I am a Jersey boy myself so it took me a while to get used to this and I’ve tried to let some of that rub off on me. However, the other side of the coin is the disingenuous kindness. There is much more of this in MA to go with genuine kindness. I want to punch people that offer me fake caring. If given the choice of more actual kindness but more fake kindness included, I would probably just pass this offer up.
May 15th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
I’ve actually been thinking a lot recently about differences between Indiana and NJ/NY when it comes to public courtesy.
When I give up my bus or subway seat to a lady, they usually respond with an expression of shock and awe. People around my office are constantly surprised that I’m more than willing to carry heavy things for them. Store clerks often seem incredulous when I speak to them with clear diction and respect (not to mention the use of “Please” and “Thank you” when ordering anything). Even my friends are slightly baffled when I tip gas station attendants.
Unfortunately, my own expressions of common courtesy are starting to dwindle. I no longer tip every busker or street musician I encounter. I give up my public transportation seats less and less due to some rude responses from ladies who think I might have ulterior motives. I’ve stopped over-tipping on group checks at restaurants because I know the excess will only be swallowed by someone else’s penny-pinching. I don’t buy rounds of drinks for people because I’ve realized that they likely won’t even think to do the same for me.
I’ve started to realize that this area eventually makes everyone cynical, jaded, and selfish. I don’t know why this is, but I do know that I really don’t like it.
-Shawn
May 15th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
I’m with you Shawn.
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:14 am
I live in Knoxville, TN and I have visited other places including places out of the country and no matter what I am always glad to be back home. There is just something about that relaxed feel you get from the general public and it is so nice to have the person in front of you hold the door and when you return the favor they dont look at you weird. Of course I also still live out in the sticks where everyone waves as they drive by even if they dont know you. The only bad thing I have found is that I recently switched to unsweet tea and it is impossible to find at a gas station. I guess I’ll make do.